Now, let me take a moment to explain something. I'm a very disciplined and controlled person. Everything I do is very intentional, and very thought out. Each of my actions has a desired result but I've also run over all of the other possible outcomes in my overworking mind. I run a hard ship and I don't let myself slip up on work, studying or any other commitment. I have a lot of self control. I sacrifice sleep for study, I decline socializing for work, and I don't let most of life's frivolous things get to me...except all of that self-discipline in other areas of my life had to leak out somewhere eventually. If I'm Superman, shopping is my kryptonite. I use seven different calendars, and that isn't an exaggerated number. I have an entire notebook of to do lists. I plan every moment, of every day. This is why I find myself completely baffled on days like today when I go to get a passport photo and I come home with bags full of new clothes. How did that happen?
I am the race car of shopping. I can go from $0-$300 in an hour. Impressive, right? Picture this:
- You know what you need. You need a purse. You're not going to buy anything else. You're not even going to look at anything else, all you need is a purse. A quick survey of the purses reveals that they don't have what you're looking for. A sad sigh and you walk towards the exit. Why do they put the purses all the way at the back? A cute coat catches your eye. You know, you've actually been needing a new coat...you decide to just take a quick look. The coat is 60% off! When are you going to find such a good deal again? You reluctantly decide to just try it on. It's the perfect fit, it's warm, it's comfortable..."That looks wonderful on you," the sales lady interrupts. She's being so friendly...you can't shut her down now. Alright, you give in. You'll buy the coat, and you'll look fabulous.
These turbo powered shopping trips I find myself on tend to take their toll. Not simply on my bank account, but on my emotions. I prance up to the register feeling on top of the world. As I slide my debit card I immediately feel regret. "I shouldn't have done that," I sigh to myself guiltily. I survey the damage and I realize that I have all the receipts and all of the tags are still on the items. I can return this all, it will be like it never happened. In reality, I don't want to return any of it. I realize that I like these things and that I wanted them, so why am I beating myself up over buying them?
My mind seems to have this negative connotation associated with spending money. It doesn't matter what it's spent on, it's my instinct to get a sick feeling when I do. But why? I'm not spending money I don't have, and I'm not spending money that's not mine. I'm spending the money that I worked hard for and it's money that I can afford to spend. Sure, it means I will have less money in my bank account but ultimately, it just means that I will be able to spend a little less money later. I work hard, and I should be able to let go every once in a while. If letting go for me means splurging on some new clothes, then so be it. When I look good, I feel good, and that is when the magic happens. My shopping sprees empower me to show the world who I am, in school, work and play. My clothes are important to me and they help me express my individuality and show my identity. I know they aren't necessary, but they make me happy. Is that so bad?
"You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better." -Rebecca Bloomwood, Confessions of a Shopaholic
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